Whispers Of Honesty
by NinaPearl
Summary: Her life has been good,but her tragedies haunt her.His life was simple,until he said yes to one movie.Can she bring him back from the edge, and can he help her to believe in love again? AU AH
1. Soul To Her Sea

**Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters and references, and I own Whispers Of Honesty. A/N at bottom. **

"Mama ocean hold me to you. Rock me on your wavesAnd tell me...Is it all true?" Soul Of The Sea by Heart

Chapter 1. Soul Of The Sea

_~*WoH*~_

Watching the tranquil sea swallow the days end, I lean back on my arms and close my eyes. Taking slow deep breathes; I am intoxicated by an eastern breeze of the salty autumn breeze. I slowly open my eyes to the feathery clouds dusted in powder blue and salmon hues. This is definitely my favorite time of year.

Perhaps to some, autumn is a morbid season. Taking earth's life, reborn from spring, blooming through summer, to its inevitable death of the first frost, though it only lays dormant during winter's immobile chill. For me, autumn is earth's beauty at its peak, it may be falling into death, but only to reincarnate in months time.

Heading back up to my house, I take in the rest of the beauty that surrounds me. The vivid array of color in reds, yellows, browns, orange, and the green from the pines that survive winters grasp. The refreshing air filled with delectable smells of, apples, pine, cedar, wood burners, and fallen leaves. In the distance I hear the soothing clang of the buoys that guide ships away from the danger of the sea.

Once inside I poor a glass of sangria, and walk up the winding white marble staircase. Once I reach the rounded open room, I turn on my Ipod and the built in speakers begin to play soothing sounds. I walk across the cream colored carpet to the alcove that holds my sanctuary.

I light the candles around the sandstone marble incased tub, and stare out across the moonlit sea through the picturesque bay window. I slide it open allowing the lush autumn breeze to flutter through, put two droplets of lavender bubble bath as the tub begins to fill. Reaching over to my right I switch on the jets and colored lights. I free myself of my clothing and step into the inviting swirls of warmth. Tingles of ecstasy flow through my body from the evenings chill. I lay back allowing my eyes to slowly close. Yes, this is my heaven.

The following morning I awaken from a peaceful slumber. I am thankful for these nights, as the anniversary of my nightmares near. It's been eighteen years, and I still can't stop the images from rushing through my mind.

Opening the curtains to the morning sun, I slide open the door leading out to my balcony. Breathing in the morning's crisp coastal aroma, I begin my morning stretches in my Tinkerbell pajamas. Once finished with my stretches I make my bed wrinkle free, and place seven pillows just so. Three across the bottom, two in the center, and I angle two square black velvet pillows like diamonds on the top.

Preparing my ritual breakfast of cream of wheat and chi tea, I turn on my laptop for the morning news. Scanning through the headlines I read about, the same old government arguments over health care and taxes, to an eighty-five year old man who wins fifty-one million dollars and has a heart attack, to a mother sentenced to death after drowning her three children to be with her secret lover, and then, my eyes freeze on, Dr. Isabella Swan, former Harvard Professor and Clinical director of Psychology, new book "What We've Got Here Is Failure To Communicate" hits number one. I'm stunned beyond belief.

I'm shocked out of my reverie by a severe burning atop of my foot. Once I realize that I have over poured my tea water, I begin hopping around aimlessly. Quickly opening the sliding door that leads to the pool, I step into the cool water reliving some of the pain. After a few minutes I lift my foot out to asses the damage only to have the burn rage back into my foot again.

"SUGAR!" I scream at the top of my lungs. The skin reddens and begins to blister. I scowl at the fact I can not take care of this myself, and need to seek medical assistance.

On my drive to the ER my professional phone rings. I hesitate to answer it. Once I see the number though I smile and send it to my car speaker.

"Hello, Alice Whitlock." I hold back my laughter.

"Excuse me? I am thee one and only Alice Whitlock. I called for Dr. Isabella Swan, is she available?" She said sternly. I burst out laughing. Alice may be my best friend, but when she calls my professional number she means business. We are not friends; she is my agent only, at this time. I just like to rile her up.

I over exuberantly clear my throat "This is Dr, Isabella Swan."

"Hello, Isabella, how are you this morning?"

"Good morning Alice. I woke up in a pleasant mood, but as I was reading the morning headlines I came across something that put me in a state of shock. While I stood before my laptop, mouth agape, I had forgotten I was pouring my tea water. Right now I am on my way to the hospital with what I am sure is at least second degree burn." I wait for her response, and the line goes dead.

I was about to call her back, when The Beatles Help plays on my personal phone. I immediately burst out laughing. She is so strict to keep our business and personal lives separate. I switch the phone to car speaker and answer.

"Good morning Alice"

"Oh my god Bella, I am sooo sorry. Are you alright? Do you need me to come to the hospital with you? How bad is it? Do you think it will scar? Bella? Bella, say something." I laugh at her complete change in demeanor.

"I'm fine Alice. I don't need you to come hold my hand, so please calm down."

"Oh Bella, I know it must be bad though if your going to the hospital. I'm sorry I didn't tell you your book would post number one this week. I wanted it to be a surprise." The sincerity in her voice displays earnestly.

"Don't worry Allie I'll be fine. It was quite a surprise too, and it's not your fault that I was stumped into submission. Listen sweetie, I'm the hospital now. I will give you a call when I am out."

"Ok, Bell, just call as soon as you're done. Love ya, talk to ya soon."

"Love you to Allie, and I will."

Turns out I was right about the second degree burn. They gave me some antibiotics, and burn salve. As long as I keep it clean and apply Shea butter I should have minimal scarring.

By the time I got out of the ER it was already twelve thirty. I called Alice, and had her meet me for lunch at The Eat-A-Pita Café. They make the best lobster salad pitas, and lobster bisque in all of Maine, and I was famished after missing breakfast.

When Alice arrived, she brought me flowers, and a purple teddy bear that said I'm Sorry. She's so frivolous when she's not my agent. I also know when I arrive home I will have a delivery of flowers from the professional side of Alice Whitlock.

"So, how does it feel to be on top of the book charts?" she asks exuberantly.

"I'm not to sure it has actually registered yet. I honestly never expected it."

"God, Bella, you are so exceptionally bright, and talented. I knew it would be a hit. Are you going to do a small tour?"

"No." I say firmly.

"I think you should. It would be really great publicity, and it would reach so many more people." She stated just as firmly.

"I thought I was out to lunch with my best friend, not my publicity hungry agent." My tone is harsh; she knows she is crossing the line.

"Bell, I am your best friend, and I just want all the best for you." She smiles at me and takes my hands in hers.

"Well, my best friend would know I detest the spotlight, she would also know that this is a very bad time for me." I watch her slouch in defeat, and feel a bit of remorse for my harsh words. I hold my ground though.

"I know Bell, my apologies if I came off as insensitive. You know I'm here for you. When will you be leaving?"

"I'm driving home on the thirtieth. I'll probably stay for three or four days." I let out a heavy sigh and we sit in silence. Alice knows where my thoughts have wandered, and she is giving me time to collect myself. I know she wants to ask if she should come with me, but I have declined her offer every time for the last six years.

When, I finally snap out of my thoughts, Alice gives me a sad smile. I shake her off, not wanting her pity, and change the direction of the discussion.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you about what happened to Sadie." I say as I swallow some water. "She got in a scuffle with a skunk."

"A skunk! Oh no Bella, is she ok?"

"Well, besides the awful smell, she was bitten on the nose, and her right paw. The vet had to come get her in her truck because Sadie smelled so bad. She kept her over for three days to make sure she was free from rabies. Her shots were still good, but she wanted to be safe. I get to pick up my poor baby at three." Checking my phone, I realized it was already two-thirty. This day has already been rather eventful, and I am most definitely ready to get home.

"I'm glad she is alright. I would hate to think of anything happening to her. So, I guess we shall say our good-byes." We stood up embraced, and Alice slyly slipped the waitress the check as she walked by.

"You think you're so sly. Just remember next time it's on me." We both laugh, and headed out to our cars when she suddenly stopped me.

"I forgot to tell you that, Jasper, will be giving you a call this evening. I guess he has a favor to ask of you, and no I don't know what it is." She looked offended that her husband was keeping something from her, but clearly he knew his wife well. Alice would find some way meddle.

"Oh, Allie, he will tell you in due time. Tell him I look forward to hearing from him, though I don't know what kind of favor he would need from me." We hugged again, and I was off to pick up my white chocolate lab.

Sadie and I have a very special bond, and I will never forget the day I found my poor baby.

_I volunteered on the weekends at an animal shelter. Someone had called in saying that their neighbor had a house full of animals that appeared to be neglected. _

_I rode along with the Animal Control Officers incase there was something I could do. Pulling up to the house I immediately saw how much it was in shambles. _

_We got out of the car and was assaulted by a deathly smell, making some vomit. Dogs were howling, and barking as the officers entered the house. I headed around back covering my face with my jacket, that's when I saw the second most horrific site of my life._

_There were cages lined up around a fenced in yard. Each had two or three dogs in them. Most were malnourished, and covered in cuts and feces. I wasn't a vet, but I new that she many had severe infections. These dogs were not friendly. I cautiously watched as they growled as they bit into the cages. There were many dogs that were lying completely still. I quickly realized they were dead and rotting. The worst part was the white chocolate lab that lay lifelessly having plainly been shot in the head. Her teats where gorged so she recently had puppies, I didn't see them until I had completely turned the corner. _

_There, six puppies hung up on a close line by their tails. They appeared to have been used for target practice. I noticed one of the puppies appeared to be moving. I didn't think twice before hopping over the fence into the death and desecrated yard. I ran to the close line, and sure enough the poor little baby was still breathing. I cut her down, as well as the others, but unfortunately she was the only survivor. I bundled the little pup up in my jacket, just as the officers stepped out the back door._

_Turned out, the people that owned the house bred dogs for underground dog fights. Luckily, only a mother and her infant daughter were home at the time, otherwise things would of gone very wrong, I'm sure of it._

_Sadie was only three weeks old and she had a lot of healing to do. I took her under my wing, and nursed my little girl back to health. Now she is a beautiful 150 pound very healthy white chocolate lab. She has the faintest hint of brown on her ears and the tip of her tail. _

I walked in the door of the vets office, Sadie was waiting for me and charged me when I walked in. I knelt down gladly awaiting her kisses of hello. "How's my baby girl? I missed you too." I laughed as she knocked me over. She nuzzled my neck I noticed and she smelled of lemons and, her nose and paw still had stitches, but other than that she was back to normal.

Dr. Mary came out from the back laughing when she saw me on the floor.

"Gee Sadie, knocking your poor mommy on the floor.," she laughed, "How are you Bella?"

"I'm good, had a little fight with my tea kettle this morning," I said pointing to my foot. "Now that I get to take my girl home, I'm definitely much better. How bout you Sadie, how are you doing?" I scratched behind her ears, and he eyes closed in comfort.

"She's not happy about her paw being wrapped, but for the most part she is leaving it alone. In about four days the gash should be closed up enough to keep it off. Nothing heals an animal better than their own saliva. The poor thing had two be washed eight times. She definitely won't be sad if she never sees water again. I think that is the worst skunk interaction I have ever seen."

"I can't imagine Sadie not wanting to be in the water," I laughed. Sadie's favorite thing besides food was the water. She loves swimming in the ocean, and in the pool. "Thank you so much Mary, I was so afraid she would never smell the same again. I knew she would come through with the wounds, because she is a fighter, and that was nothing compared to what happened to her when she was a pup." I scratched Sadie behind her ears again. Her eyes were half closed, and her tongue lolled out the side. "You ready to go home girl?" Her ears perked up at the mention of home, and I knew she was as ready as I.

I paid Mary, and Sadie and I headed to the car. I opened the passenger door, and she hopped right in. I rolled her window so she could stick her head out and enjoy the fresh air she has missed.

"You know Sadie, I'm really sorry I had to leave you at the vets. I don't think I ever told you this, but when I was ten I wanted to become a vet. See I had a horse named Nevaeh. She was having a baby, but she was breach. When my Daddy and Uncle Billy realized she was breach, they tried to make me leave. I refused, and when I saw Mama bring out the shotgun I screamed so loud Sadie. Daddy took me in his arms and explained that she was suffering though, but that they would be able to save the baby.

"I knelt down beside her, told her I loved and kissed her head. I turned to Mama with the bravest face I could muster, and then nodded to Daddy. Mama took me in her arms hiding my face, and the shot was so loud it physically jolted my body even closer to Mama. When I finally turned my head, I saw the cutest little colt trying to stand on its new springy legs. They had covered Nevaeh with a sheet, and we buried her later that day." I stopped talking to Sadie, once I realized something had caught her attention. We were on our private drive, and she knew she was home. I reached over and pet her head. She licked my hand, and stuck her head back out the window. Yes, I talk to my dog, that's all I'm going to say about that.

_~*WoH*~_

Sitting on my bed, I put the burn cream on my foot leaving it unwrapped for now to air out. Sadie and I got settled for the night and she is so happy to be home. I'm happy to have her warmth and comfort as she lies beside me on the bed.

I sip on a cup of chi tea, and take out my laptop. Checking my e-mails and the evening news. Still much of the same as this morning and again I see my book at number one. I smile, actually feeling very proud of my accomplishment. I close my eyes for a moment, only to be startled by the shrill ring of my cell phone.

"Hello Jasper, how are you?" I answer

"Good evening Bella, I'm doing well, thank you. Congratulations on your book. I would also like say to say, I'm sorry about your foot. I told Allie not to keep it a secret, but you know my wife. How is your foot this evening?" He was laughing, and I could hear Alice in the background apologizing again, and what sounded like a swatting noise.

"I'm good, the foot is rather tender, but I'll live. I'm happy to have Sadie home. I'm sure Alice told you about her as well."

"Yes, and I'm happy to hear she to is on the mend. So Bella, I was calling you to ask a favor." He pauses making sure he had my attention

"I'm listening."

"A very good friend of ours has a patient who is in serious danger of falling off the edge. Now, I know this is your down time, but Bella, you're the best in this area of expertise. I would never come to you if I didn't feel it was an emergency." Jasper finished speaking, and I could hear him suck in a breath. I knew he wouldn't ask me at this time if he didn't feel strongly about it. I just wasn't sure I could handle a patient at this time of year.

"I don't know Jasper. This time of year my head is so unfocused. I never take on a patient knowing I couldn't give them all of my attention…What exactly are you asking?"

"I know, and this truly is an emergency. Dr Levine…"

"Dr Leo Levine" I interrupted.

Dr Leo Levine was my mentor. He was my first Professor when I entered Oxford at the age of sixteen. He was the only professor who did not judge me for being so young, nor did he baby me, as so many others did. He gave it to me straight, and I had to work just as hard as the other students.

"Yes, he asked me if I could help him out, as he has become to close to the patient. He doesn't feel he is able to help him to the best of his ability. When he described the issues the patient was having, I immediately thought of you. This is right up your ally."

"Jasper, if Dr. Levine is unable to help, how could I possibly?"

"Honestly Bella, he knows you're the best in this area. Also, the patient is in need of down time. He needs somewhere remote to go and sort out his head. Dr. Levine, initially wanted to ask you, but he knew you were taking time off, and he respects your privacy. I told him he would have a better chance of getting you to take on the case, but he didn't feel right." Jasper let out another heavy sigh, and I knew this was really weighing on him.

"I see, so are you saying that you don't respect my private time" I teased.

"Very funny Bella. Like I said if I didn't think it was important, I would never ask you."

"May I ask why this patient is so important to the two of you?" I was curious as to why this was so important to them.

"I'm going to lay it out for you Bella. He is a twenty-five year old male who went from working in pubs in London, to a Hollywood A-lister literally overnight." Now, I understood the need for privacy. I also realize why Dr. Levine was truly apprehensive about asking me. The patient would need to be a live in.

"Listen Bella, he won't be ready until next week. All I'm asking is that you consider it. I'll fax over his file, and let you decide from there."

"How bad off is he?" I had a feeling this young man was falling hard and quick. I herd Jasper's intake of breath confirming what I knew he was about to tell me.

"Bell, he basically has given up, and he needs it all. He will need to detox, so, yeah he will need twenty-four hour watch for the first week."

"Jesus Jasper, This isn't a simple case by far, and my mind is about to take a leave of absence. Does he have a history of violence?" If I was going to allow this stranger into my home I wanted to know everything about him. It didn't matter he was some A-list celebrity. I watch the news. I've seen Mel Gibson, and Gary Busey loose it. I know celebrities are not perfect, as much as people would like to think.

"No, but, he's not the same person right now either." Great, and unpredictable strung out male in my home twenty-four seven. What in the world am I supposed to say to that? I wouldn't even be allowed to have help, as I am sure the contract will be iron clad.

"Send me the file Jasper. I promise to look it over, and give him an honest chance."

"Thanks Bell. You're the fairest person I know" he laughed.

"I didn't say mirror, mirror Jasper, and I assure you I am no Snow White."

"You are though Bella, truly you are. Your honest, open minded, fair, non judgmental, and above all you just have the biggest heart."

"Thanks Jasper, no need to kiss butt. I promised you I would look it over. Look, I'm really exhausted. Send me the file and I will check it over in the morning. Also, tell that wife of yours she is not to wake me before ten."

"Will do Bell. Love you, and have a good night."

"Love you too Jasper, goodnight." With that, we both hung up, and my head was spinning. What was I going to do?

I decided not to dwell on it tonight. I don't even have his information yet, so there is no point worrying over the unknown.

Tomorrow however, is another story.

**A/N Hello, this is my first ff, but ****please feel free to let me know what you think. I do have the story outlined, but as of yet I don't have a posting schedule. This will be both EPOV and BPOV. EPOV will be kinda short at first as he has his addictions and is mostly incoherent. I'm not a fan of long chapters, so most chapters will be about 3,000-4,000 words. Hope you enjoy. ****J**


	2. 2 River Of Deceit

**Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters and references, and I own Whispers Of Honesty. **

"I could either burn, or cut off my pride and buy some time. A head full of lies is the weight tied to my waist" River of Deceit by Alice In Chains

Chapter 2 River Of Deceit

EPOV

~*_WoH_*~

Warmth, flows through my veins, sending my mind body and soul into euphoria.

Between my thighs kneels three unknowns who just want to please me. They think they know me, but truly they only want to blow me…I laugh sarcastically aloud at the rhyme I thought in my head. They giggle too, if they only knew I had just degraded them. Their hair is the only way I can tell them apart.

Red, is favoring my balls, Raven, loves licking all my hidden spots, but my favorite is Intense Pink who takes me all in. Tip to throat without eveen a flinch. I'm not real thick, but I am long and she is so fucking good. I can't look away…I'm almost there.

I hold Intense Pink down and she holds right there as my hot liquid spews out and down the back of her throat.

She lifts her head, and Red and Raven pout as there is nothing left. They don't care to much though, as they continue licking, sucking, and kissing me and each other until I have gone completely soft.

My jeans were thrown across the room, and there was no fucking wway I was moving from this blessed out state. My head lolls back against the plush chair, and I stay there with my legs spread, and the three unknowns rest there heads on my naked thighs.

Staring up at the ceiling it moves like liquid waves. For a moment I fear it may drown me. I realize I am surrounded by water and still breathing. Voices swirl around me in ambient tones. This must be what it feel like to be a fish in a bowl.

Where am I?

Why am I here?

Who am I?

It doesn't matter anymore…

My world goes black.

_~*WoH*~_

Awakened to the familiar ache, surrounded by warmth, my eyes open All is still and quiet. My hands tangled in softness, I shift my eyes down to see what it is.

Oh yes, I remember now.

Red, Raven, and Intense Pink are sprawled out naked with limbs wrapped around each other

How did I get to bed? Slowly I sit up. I unwrap my body from their cocoon. I am careful, so not to disturb them. Not to be kind, but because I don't want to deal. I'm back to reality, and I don't want to know...anything

Walking across the room I slip on something. I cringe as I see used condoms strewn about. Good to know they are safety girls. How the fuck did I even perform?

A sigh of relief escapes as I see my sanctuary… My hands are starting to shake. The time in between my fixes gets shorter and shorter.

He left me an eight ball. I've never had one before. I stare at the gift before me contemplating on whether I should do it. This is what River Phoenix died on.

Death sounds manageable.

Fuck it, take it all away.

I prepare perhaps my last meal… Lately this is my only source of food.

Wrapping the tourniquet around just right. Irony is not lost on me, as I feared even the sight of a syringe. Now I'm enamored watching… Finding the perfect blue line, and pull gently as the pink tinge lets me know I've gotten it right.

I'm a pro now. No more blisters, as I have learned my lessons.

Slowly I push and slowly comes warmth.

Pulling off the tourniquet my head lolls forward.

Oh fuck yes, this is quite different.

Fuck, this is better than sex…

So warm.

Warmer.

Hot.

Burning.

Air, yes I need air.

I can't stand, so I crawl to the balcony.

I pull open the door.

I pull myself up the stone wall.

I look down at all the lights and people below.

They move in a blur of orange, blue, red, and white lights.

What am I doing here?

They think they know me.

They think they want me.

"FUCK YOU ALL!" I shout at the top of my lungs.

"Fuck you all, you don't know me. No, no, no, cause I don't even fucking know myself! So fuck you all for trying to label me!"

My head is so heavy; it has just fallen to the people below. I think I should just let it go. It's the cause of all my stress because it never fucking shuts up. Fuck, my arms just followed suit. Something is not right. Jesus Christ my body is falling apart. My stomach is churning. I feel the vomit rising in my throat. Oh god, how the fuck am I going to get this out. Oh Jesus, my head is on its way down to the people below. I need my fucking head. I have to puke, holy fuck, my body is about to explode.

Without my head and arms I lazily climb onto the stone wall. I can't see my head. I guess I wouldn't since it's falling. "I'm coming head," I shout

I step forward. My ears hear someone calling my name. Someone is shouting at me. I want to tell them I can hear them, but my head is gone. My ears can hear, but my mouth won't speak. Oh fuck, help me…My head…it's gone…I'm gone…The rest of my body falls to its death, swallowed by blackness…

**A/N Also I do not have a beta so if anyone would like to help me out let me know. Please review, and let me know what you think. Remember Edward isn't himself right now, so his thoughts are not quite complete, and may not make to much sense. **


	3. 3 Down In A Hole

**Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters and references, and I own Whispers Of Honesty. **

Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved See my heart I decorate it like a grave  
>You don't understand who they Thought I was supposed to be Look at me now a man<br>Who wont let himself be...Down in a Hole by Alice In Chains

EPOV Chap3

Holy fuck! My body is burning. My eyes seem glued shut, why can't I open my eyes? Nothing will work. Somebody help me…Please, help me, I'm burning.

"_Edward…"_

Someone is here with me.

Help me please; I don't want to be in hell.

"_Mr. Cullen, can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can."_

Yes, I can hear you. I'm trying to move but nothing works.

Fuck!

I'm so tired…

_~*WoH*~_

"_Edward…baby wake up. Please baby, I didn't mean for this to happen."_

It's her.

Kate, oh god baby I can hear you Kate.

Please, Katie help me.

Come on hand, fucking move damn it.

"_Edward, come baby open your eyes...Dr. He squeezed my hand."_

Kate, yes I can feel you.

"_Mr. Cullen, I'm Dr Berity. Can you try to open your eyes for me?"_

I am asshole, but nothing is happening.

Wait, I see flashing light.

Holy fuck that shit is bright.

Oh, god turn the lights off.

"Calm down Edward, it's alright. You're safe."

"K…te." Wow was that me? It feels like I have swallowed sandpaper.

"Hey, I'm right here. Jesus Edward, what were you thinking?"

"OWW! What the fuck!" Something sharp was jabbed into my foot, and then the other.

"His senses are all in tack. Mr. Cullen, how many fingers am I holding up?"

My eyes still are not able to focus, as I look at the strange man waving his finger in front of my face. If the fucker would stop moving them, I could tell him. Finally, he holds three in front of me.

"Three." I rasp out.

"Very good, Mr. Cullen, Now, do you remember what happen to you?"

All I know is I am in the hospital, and my body is stiff, and in severe pain, but I have know idea how I got here. The only thing that comes to mind is, perhaps I was in a car accident, though it does not seem familiar. I suggest it anyway.

"Was I in a car accident?" I ask. Kate and the Dr. give each other a look, telling me instantly that is the wrong answer.

Okay then, what the fuck happened to me? I try to think, but my mind is an ocean of images. All these strange images are sloshing back and fourth, and nothing makes sense. Make it stop please. My head is fucking killing me. Kate…I will focus on Kate. I realize she is no longer beside me. This only raises my anxiety and I desperately need a smoke.

"Why is everyone so quiet? What the hell happened to me?" I demanded, and neither of them speak.

When my anxiety spikes my habit is automatically try to drag my hand through my hair. This was a bad idea. Every fiber in my body screams in agonizing pain. I am positive the arm I lifted has spontaneously combusted. When I can no longer take the pain panic takes over, and I let out a gut wrenching scream. Kate begins to cry, and Dr. Berity walks out returning with a nurse with a fresh IV bag. I assume it is pain meds. I look over to Kate, who is now staring out the window trying to hide her tears. Yes, something is definitely wrong.

The nurse hooks up the new bag, and tells me the pain will subside in a few minutes. Finally able to get my pussy-screaming ass in check I take calming breaths and relax. The dr. is once again beside me, and flashing the light in my eyes again.

"What is the last thing you remember?" Dr Berity asks me as he flips through his chart, his uni-brow creases in the middle of dark beady eyes and spectacles that rest low on his nose. He is short pudgy man with fat fingers and a large nose that has acne scars. For some reason I think of the man who plays Professor Filius Flitwick in Harry Potter.

Growing more frustrated, not being able to remember what has happened to me, I speak slowly aloud hoping it will help remember "I remember filming the final scenes of Angels In Disguise, and then Kate and I went back to London. Garrett and Sienna threw us a house warming party. The next day, I remember waking up alone, and then it's as if my life just stops." I watch Kate's body language carefully. She is tense, fidgety, and chewing the sides of her fingers. I can tell she wants a cigarette as badly as I do. I continue to stare at her, though not once does she look at me. The silence after my confession only makes the tension worse.

Kate breaks the silence speaking her words to the window rather than to anyone in the room "How the fuck can this be happening. I…I can't be here. I have to go," she says, and turns to run from the room, from me, leaving me more confused than when I woke up. Looking up at the Doctor, I see he too is apprehensive. I close my eyes, and fall back to sleep.

My eyes are still closed, but I know instantly the hand holding mine is my mothers. I open my eyes to her beautiful blue ones smiling down at me. She has never been good at hiding her feelings and I see there is sadness underlying there as well. Something was definitely wrong.

"How are you feeling sweetheart?" She asks in her soft monotone.

"Hi mom. I don't know, to be honest. What happened to me?" She took my hand and kissed my knuckles, and brushed back the fly a ways from my face.

"You really don't remember love, do you? What month is this Edward?"

"Depending on how long I was out, I believe it's still April." Her face fell, and I was really getting agitated with all the evasiveness. I wanted some fucking answers now, and since my mom was the only in the room, I take it out on her… "Mom, stop treating me like a child. What the hell happened to me, and how long was I out?" I felt bad for raising my voice at her, but enough was enough.

"Love, its October 5th…" I cut her off before she finished. If I believed in ghost's I would think one just punched me in the stomach sucking the air from my longs. I had been in a coma for 6 months?

"Jesus Christ mom, six months?" She nodded her head.

"No, Edward, you were only out for three days. You overdosed on heroin, cocaine, and alcohol that is why you are here. Garrett found you in a hotel room ready to jump from the 12th floor balcony. You were rambling about trying to get your head and arms back. Just as Garrett reached you, you lost you balance and fell hitting your head on the ledge. Luckily you had fallen towards Garrett." She held my eyes with her teary ones and squeezed my hand even tighter. What the fuck is she talking about?

"I…What…I don't understand?" Six months of my life is missing, and apparently, I was junkie. What about Kate? I was just about to bombard my mother with questions when my PA Irina walked in.

"Oh thank god Edward. You scared the hell out all of us. How could you be so irresponsible? Just because that lying witch K…" Before she could finish my mother interrupted her.

"Yes, it's terrible what has happened to Edward, and now, him not remembering anything that has happened for the last six months. Edward surely has had more than he can handle right now. I think we should let him try to rest," she said staring pointedly at Irina. Very subtle mum.

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry you don't remember. Yes, I think Elizabeth is right we should let you rest. Elizabeth how bout some coffee?"

Irina walked over to me and kissed my forehead and tucked the blankets tightly around me, and walked towards the door. Now, she has been my PA since I began my career nine years ago, I consider her a second mother. Though there was one time after a party we were drunk, and things went a little too far, but we realized that was a huge mistake. I trust her with my life, but if she thinks she and my mother were going to talk in code and walk out of here like I'm not even in the room, they both sorely mistaken.

"Hold on you two. I need some goddamn answers! What the hell is going on?" I sat up quickly and screamed out as pain burned through my body. Both of them were beside me in an instant, paging the nurse. Whatever is in the bag worked quickly. I was feeling good and absolutely pain free in no time. Taking one last look at my mother, I closed my eyes and was back in lala land.

_The fog a thick swirling haze. Screaming coming from all directions. Where was I? Kate, is that you? Katie! Where are you? Oh, fuck, Katie I'm coming! I hear you baby. I'm running deeper into the forest tripping over rocks, and fallen branches, and the fog is getting heavier, to the point it is holding me back to a walk. I can't run anymore, but the screaming is so loud. Where is she? Up ahead is a light. Many lights flashing. The ground was turning red. Kate, where are you baby, please Katie answer me. More voices, sounds laughing. However, the screaming is still there. Holy fuck, I'm at a premiere. Photographers are everywhere. Journalist are rushing towards me. Where is Felix, Irina, Carlisle. Then I see her. Kate. I call to her, but she turns away from me. The journalist shout things at me I don't understand. Edward, how are you doing after the break up? Is it true Kate is in love with another woman? Edward, now that you are single would you date a fan? Is it true you found Kate in bed with Garrett Thomas? Edward…Edward…Edward…Ahhhhhh…That's when I realize the screaming and painful cries are coming from me. I fall to my knees I can't breathe. Kate, please Kate, don't do this to me. I call to her, and she turns back to me. You knew this wouldn't last Edward. Be a man Edward, you'll be fine. She is standing with men and woman I don't recognize. They are licking, kissing and, grinding on her…Nooo, KATIE PLEASE!_

I awoke in a cold sweat still screaming. Familiar soft hands were instantly cradling my tear stained face. "Mum, oh mum, what happened? Why did she leave me? It hurts mum, please make it stop hurting," I cried into my mothers chest as she rocked me, holding me tightly into the safety of her body.

"Shhh, I know love. It's alright. Everything is going to be alright now. We have you back, and we can begin making you well." She held me until the remainder of the day turned to night. The Doctor had been in and out as well as nurses, friends, and my father. I didn't speak to anyone as I went in and out of consciousness, wishing I could forget all that I had remembered. Kate had left me, and my life had spun out of control.

~*HStHS*~

"Kate, he doesn't need the added stress, and I feel your being here will only give him false hope. Perhaps after he gets well you could see him, but right now he has just remembered what happened, and I think it best you not be here," my mother said to Kate softly. They were out in the hallway, and my heart had sped up at the sound of Kate's name.

"Elizabeth, I know that you feel I have wronged Edward, but just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean I stopped caring about him I mean…" She was cut off by mother's uncharacteristic outburst.

" How dare you try and tell me you care about him, look what you have done to him. My son nearly died all because you used him to move your career forward. He was nothing but good to you, would have done anything for you, and you tore his heart out and shoved it in his face. You Katharine Brewster are nothing but a lying, heartless, talent less disgrace to society, and I don't want you anywhere near my son. If you don't leave right now I will remove you myself.," she said with firm viciousness. I have never in my life herd my loose her patience nor say such harsh words. Sure, she has always been very protective of me and my sisters, but she has never lost her cool so to speak. I almost wanted to give her a fist pump at her protectiveness, but the whole situation was just fucked up. In addition, I knew the pain that would radiate through my arm, no not a good idea.

"Well, Elizabeth, I am sorry you feel that way. I didn't use your son to push my career forward. I had already had ten movies in my resume when Edward had none. If it wasn't for me he would still be an unemployed no nothing actor. Edward has the career he has because I chose him out of thousands of other actors who tried out for the role of Ian Zander. If anything he owes me…" A twig being snapped in half is how I define the sound I herd next. My mother Elizabeth 'sweet loving kind hearted' Cullen had just smacked Katharine Brewster A list movie star. "I'm…" my mother began. "I think you need to leave now" she finished and walked back into my room closing the door in tears.

Outside the orange hospital lights glowed into my room., and I could make out her features. Her hands we clutched to her chest, her eyes were closed as her tears rolled down her cheeks. I knew she thought I was asleep, but I couldn't stand to see my mother looking so hurt.

"Mum, are you alright?" I asked quietly yet it still startled her.

"Oh, Edward, yes sweetheart I'm fine. I didn't mean to wake you," she said as she gathered her composer.

"I herd what happened." She sighed, and walked over sitting beside me. She took my hand in hers and kissed my forehead.

"I'm so sorry Edward. I don't know what came over me. I will apologize to her when I have settled. I don't know what came over me," she cupped my face and kissed my cheek. She is so humble and strong willed. There was no need for her to apologize, but I knew she would anyway. "It's fine mum, you were just protecting your son," I said kissing her cheek.

"Edward, you are such a good man, and I love you so much."

"I know mum, and I love you too," with that she got up from the bed, and sat in the chair she had taken up residence in. I watched her for a bit thinking about how amazing my mother is. I hoped someday I would find a woman just as loving, courageous, and strong as her. Though I thought, I already did. My thoughts turned to the present making my chest ache once again. After so long I finally found sleep.

Waking up in sweat covered sheets, and an unknown woman lying naked beside me, I turn my head to the nightstand on my other side. Laid strewn about are my tools to forget and feel nothing. I am back in a hotel room.


End file.
